THE RECORD OF THE KINGS 5: THE MAN SAUL

“But I’m only from the tribe of Benjamin, the smallest tribe in Israel, and my family is the least important of all the families of that tribe! Why are you talking like this to me?” – Saul, the First King of Israel.

The prophet Samuel had just told him some pretty heavy stuff. He had just told the poor lad ‘I am here to tell you that you and your family are the focus of all Israel’s hopes.’ [1 Samuel 9:20] David said a similar thing to King Saul when he promised to give him his daughter as wife [1 Samuel 18:18] and when the Lord made promises to him in 2 Samuel 7.

It is not difficult to conclude though, from the events that followed Saul’s statement, that when the two men spoke those very similar words, their hearts were nowhere near similar.

Israel demanded for a king at a time when it appeared they were in trouble. King Nahash, king of the Ammonites, was recorded to have been gouging out the eyes of the people of Gad and Reuben. 1 Samuel 10:27 records that there wasn’t a single one whose right eye Nahash had not gouged out. Israel had asked for a king, and as displeased with this request as He was, God gave them one. I found it interesting what seemed to be this king’s qualification though. The introduction of God’s choice in Chapter 9 of 1 Samuel was as interesting as it was disturbing:

¹ There was a wealthy, influential man named Kish from the tribe of Benjamin… ² His son Saul was the most handsome man in Israel—head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land.

Israel wanted a king…like their surrounding nations. And of course, he had to look like one – a king, a demi-god, almost worshipped by his subjects. He had to fit the role. He had to look regal, look worthy of reverence, worthy of deference if he was to be anything like the kings of the surrounding nations and the ‘replacement’ of God as king in the eyes of Israel. But beneath the beauty and charming stature was a delicate self-esteem that Israel could not see, a frail gullible heart that lacked self-confidence, a terrified little boy whose exploding fear was carefully crafted and beautifully wrapped in a semblance of humility in response to Samuel’s prophecy of greatness.

What I saw as I studied Saul was this: his seemingly irrational decisions – his foolish oath of death which almost cost his son his life [1 Samuel 14:24], his refusal to destroy all the plunder in battles [15:8], even his countless attempts at killing David stemmed not from a place of malice, but of deep-rooted self-esteem issues and a striving to prove himself worthy to be king, even though it was God Himself who singled him out and chose him among all the many men of Israel.

In Chapter 9 of 1 Samuel, Samuel tells Saul he is the chosen of the Lord, the chosen king. In early Chapter 10, Samuel proceeds to anoint Saul, kisses him and specifically tells him he is doing so ‘because the Lord has appointed him ruler over Israel, his special possession’. He gives him over ten prophecies on his way back to his father’s house, all of which come to pass. You would think this would embolden him, especially after Samuel’s assurance that the Lord would change his heart and make him a new person. A little later, in the same Chapter 10, reported to be in the year 1043BC, Samuel summons Israel at Mizpah, and lot after lot, the tribe of Benjamin is chosen, then the family of Matrites, then finally the lot falls on Saul as king. Now this is where I started sensing that this guy may have had a problem. He went and hid!

²¹ And finally Saul son of Kish was chosen from among them. But when they looked for him, he had disappeared!

²² So they asked the Lord, “Where is he?” And the Lord replied, “He is hiding among the baggage.” ²³ So they found him and brought him out, and he stood head and shoulders above anyone else.

²⁴ Then Samuel said to all the people, “This is the man the Lord has chosen as your king. No one in all Israel is like him!” And all the people shouted, “Long live the king!”

Nobody noticed. Nobody noticed that this young man who had already been told and even anointed as king was so scared that as tall as he was, he had carefully hidden his body in a baggage. Nobody noticed the fear in his eyes or the weakness in his knees as they shouted ‘hail the king’. Nobody realised what they had just done was to put the burden of war, of King Nahash who was gouging eyes of men on the shoulders of this 30-year-old man who had never been king or been near royalty to observe how to prepare for war. Nobody noticed. As if that was not enough, he had already won for himself mockers, who despised him and said ‘how can this fellow save us?’. Saul heard them, and the Bible says but he kept silent [10:27].

Fast forward to Chapter 15, Samuel confirms my theory. By now Saul has begun and is in the middle of his ‘misbehaviour’. God sends Samuel to instruct Saul to attack the Amalekites and completely destroy the entire nation – people, cattle, donkeys, everything. Dude decides, again, to disobey. He captures their king, and ‘kept the best of the sheep and goats, the cattle, the fat calves, and the lambs—everything, in fact, that appealed to them’ [15:9]. At this point Samuel is tired, because the Lord confides in him and says ‘I am sorry that I ever made Saul king…’, and for some reason Samuel weeps all night to the Lord. What’s interesting is what Samuel tells Saul when he confronts him the next day:

“Although you may think little of yourself, are you not the leader of the tribes of Israel? The Lord has anointed you king of Israel.”

Samuel could see through Saul’s ‘rebellion’. He could see the heart of a man who needed desperately to prove to anyone who cared to see, that he was indeed king – as worthy and as powerful as they come! And like anyone with esteem and identity issues, he quickly does what anyone desperately seeking to appear worthy would do – he tried to shift blame. He says ‘But I did obey the Lord…it was my troops who brought in the best of cattle, etc…’ [15:23].

But a man who cannot admit he is ill will very soon die of the same ailment he pretends does not exist in his members. Samuel knew that Saul’s struggle was really about his worth, about how little he thought of himself, and probably wished Saul would render himself to help, but he also knew Saul had come to his end. Maybe that was why he wept so much for him the night before. So Samuel tells him ²³‘Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. Because you have rejected the command of the Lord, he has rejected you as king.’ And only now, when it was too late, did Saul admits the real problem. He admits to Samuel:

²⁴ “Yes, I have sinned. I have disobeyed your instructions and the Lord’s command, for I was afraid of the people and did what they demanded. ²⁵ But now, please forgive my sin and come back with me so that I may worship the Lord.”

Fear. And people-pleasing. If I had to guess, I would say it was because he felt inadequate, or confident that it was enough validity that the Lord Himself chose him. That he was enough. That he was good enough, and did not need to prove it to anyone. But Samuel knew it was too late. He said:

²⁶ “I will not go back with you! Since you have rejected the Lord’s command, he has rejected you as king of Israel.”

²⁷ As Samuel turned to go, Saul tried to hold him back and tore the hem of his robe. ²⁸ And Samuel said to him, “The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you today and has given it to someone else – one who is better than you. ²⁹ And he who is the Glory of Israel will not lie, nor will he change his mind, for he is not human that he should change his mind!”

Now here’s an even more depressing response from Saul:

³⁰ “I know I have sinned. But please, at least honour me before the elders of my people and before Israel by coming back with me so that I may worship the Lord your God.”

So even this desire to ‘worship the Lord’…this apology, this acceptance of guilt, had nothing to do with true remorse. It was so that he would not lose honour before Israel and their elders. I read Saul not with an eye of judgment, but of sympathy. This was a leader who needed help right from the start, but didn’t know it enough to seek it, and didn’t have anyone who cared enough to try to help him deal with this need for validation and need to prove his self-worth.

It was this single weakness that made him so paranoid about killing David. The record shows that Saul actually ‘loved David very much’ and didn’t want to return him to his family [16:21-22]. But you can imagine what the women’s song about David killing his ten thousands and Saul killing his thousands did to Saul’s already insecure heart. It must have bruised him in unimaginable ways. Well, maybe not so unimaginable, because we see its direct effect in Chapter 18:

⁸ This made Saul very angry. “What’s this?” he said. “They credit David with ten thousands and me with only thousands. Next they’ll be making him their king!” ⁹ So from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David.

¹⁰ The very next day a tormenting spirit from God overwhelmed Saul, and he began to rave in his house like a madman. 

That ‘tormenting spirit sent from God’ has been said to properly translate into such a low depression that God allowed that he was as good as a severe bipolar/even mad man. And the more I saw Saul through the lens of his insecurity, the more my heart went out to him in his encounters with David every time he tried to kill him. He was so insecure that he became so gullible to everyone’s influence. In Chapter 19, his son Jonathan makes a case for David, and Saul vowed: ⁶“As surely as the Lord lives, David will not be killed.” By verse 9, he falls back into this ‘dark place’ and tries to kill David again. He sinks deeper and deeper into himself to the point that he calls his own son ‘you son of a harlot’ and hurls a spear at him, intending to kill him because he shields David. When David later confronts him in 24:9, he bitterly asks this king why he has made himself so gullible, why he believes those who feed his insecurity by telling him David was trying to harm him.

Saul was so far gone in his delusion that he genuinely believed that God wanted him to kill David:

⁷ Saul soon learned that David was at Keilah. “Good!” he exclaimed. “We’ve got him now! God has handed him over to me, for he has trapped himself in a walled town!”

And all the while, the record shows that apart from Jonathan, the men of Israel gave their full allegiance to Saul, even to the point that they constantly tried to help him trap and kill David [18:24, 19:11, 23:19]. And every time Saul would encounter David during the time he tried to kill him, you can see the delusion and instability in the mind of this king who had allowed his insecurities to drive him insane. After David had confronted him and asked why he was spending his time ‘chasing one who is as worthless as a dead dog or a single flea’, here’s what the Bible records:

^16 ‘When David had finished speaking, Saul called back, “Is that really you, my son David?” Then he began to cry. ¹⁷ And he said to David, “You are a better man than I am, for you have repaid me good for evil”, and asks David to spare his family when he finally becomes king. But he does not end it there.

Finally in Chapter 26, he ‘relapses’ again, yet David spare his life, again. His reaction again makes me sad:

¹⁷ “Is that you, my son David?”

And David replied, “Yes, my lord the king. ¹⁸ Why are you chasing me? What have I done? What is my crime? ²¹ Then Saul confessed, “I have sinned. Come back home, my son, and I will no longer try to harm you, for you valued my life today. I have been a fool and very, very wrong.”

 ²⁵ And Saul said to David, “Blessings on you, my son David. You will do many heroic deeds, and you will surely succeed.” Then David went away, and Saul returned home.

Saul’s story is often told in a malicious way – simply a man who was wicked and couldn’t stand a small boy of whom he was jealous. But reading Saul again, I realise what a disservice we have done him by reading him in that light, and to ourselves by ridding ourselves of the lessons replete in understanding what was really happening with this man. I wonder how many leaders, even in the Body of Christ, are scrambling for allegiance and loyalty and prominence and respect merely because they battle with insecurity and self-worth. I wonder how many of us are able to see through what seems like malice in people of authority and see really, their cry for help, for validation, for some uncoerced acknowledgment. We have robbed ourselves, also of the great lesson of learning the power of finding our individual worth in the One who has truly called us. And though you may think of yourself as little, He still called you, and equipped you, and buttered you up with grace and capacity and skill, like melted butter swallows up the corn in its pod when it pops up in heat. It is enough that He chose you. And it is also okay that He chose another to be the one who kills Goliath, or another to build Him a temple. If only Joseph’s brothers realized that even though they bowed to him, they also were stars, maybe they would have rested in the assurance of this single truth – that they also were enough. Find rest in Him, friend. It is enough that He chose you.

Love,

Rad!❤️