A LETTER TO THE BROTHERS✍🏽

While I thought about what to write about this week, I remembered this letter I wrote to  the male species…well those in Christ😁. After a few touch-ups, here we go: 😉

The truth of the matter is that the average woman desires leadership. There are rare exceptions of women who genuinely want no leadership whatsoever, and it has little to do with marriage and everything to do with a general dislike or perhaps fear of accountability and vulnerability.

As controversial as this may sound, I think that God made the woman with an innate longing, in a relationship, to be led by another with a different chromosome composition (XY).💁🏽‍♀️ And by this, I in no way mean an oppressive dominance of any sort. In fact, the leadership of a man in a marriage is a difficult one of servanthood and sacrifice if you ask me – For as the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her – Ephesians 5:24-25 [NLT].

The irony is that it is easier to find domineering women in godly relationships in the times we live in, simply because there have been relatively fewer barriers to a woman’s self-development spiritually, socially, financially. If a man’s biggest temptation is to sit unconcerned without a vision in a relationship, then the biggest temptation for any godly woman is to grab the wheel and attempt to be the covering in that relationship, and attempt to steer the ship to some purpose of some sort. Classic example:

EVE!

If you’re reading in between the lines of what led Eve to ‘follow’ the serpent, it wouldn’t be hard to conclude that what she actually sought after was leadership. I used to ask where the leader God gave her was when the stranger serpent visited the garden. But I found in Genesis 3:6 that he was right there with her throughout her interaction with this serpent!🤧 Why was he silent throughout the encounter, as though he was not the one who had received express instructions from the Creator? Why did he not only interject when the serpent was misleading his wife, but actually went along with the folly when under her leadership, a clear misrepresentation was being perpetuated?? If Adam had established himself as a reliable leader, why did his follower not deem it fit to crosscheck with him before taking such a major decision? Could it be that there was a passiveness that he had exhibited that allowed his follower to believe that it was fine to take a decision alone regarding the only thing God restricted them on, even in his presence? Worst of it was that THE ORIGINAL LEADER sheepishly FOLLOWED when she presented her ill-taken decision to him! We are not told that he probed; or even attempt to reclaim the steer and reinforce what HIS leader (God) had told him [Genesis 3]. Am I shading Adam?😂 Yes. Yes I am!😂 And I’m not even done!

ABIGAIL!

Scripture says Abigail was a wise, beautiful woman. She also, I submit, desired leadership. She was married to Nabal, who was probably her husband by virtue of an arranged marriage because he was so wealthy. That man was a special case, because for some reason his parents thought giving him a name that meant dumbass was a wise move.😂 In 1 Samuel 25, we see another instance where the follower [Abigail] solely had to lead in deciding how to handle a life-and-death situation without which Nabal would have led himself and all of his family into instant death at David’s hand. And if you know David, you know he didn’t wait too long to shoot his shot!😂 Immediately Abigail got the chance, she submitted to what she’d always wanted – bold leadership.

SARAH!

Sarah proudly called Abraham ‘My Lord‘, and the Bible smiles at it, as if to say God does not jealously guard that title as long as it reflects the dynamic He has established between a man and his wife.

Every Christian relationship is a reflection of the relationship between GOD and THE CHURCH. The Church is the bride; Christ is the bridegroom. The Church has [or at least should have] a gnawing desire to hear from God, to be led by Him, to know where He desires us to go and what He desires to do with this relationship while we await His coming. Imagine the disaster that would brew if the bridegroom decided that the Church had existed for 2000+ years and was grown and widespread enough to lead itself.

I humbly submit, that even when a woman doesn’t know it, her longing is for a man who consults with his Head [Christ] and returns with some destination or guidance for them both, even if it’s as ‘detail-less’ and vague as ‘a land He will show you’ [Genesis 12:1]; for a leader who is not intimidated to say ‘come let’s reason together’, just as God isn’t intimidated to reason with him [Isaiah 1:18]. She desires the security of leadership that boldly leads and learns while at it.

And if she’s one the Lord is working on as well, it’ll matter little to her if the directions lead them into a ditch occasionally, because she understands that his leadership is purely a matter of calling rather than competence or infallibility [unless she told you not to take that decision and you decided to be a dead goat😂].

And that is the understanding any God-called leader ought to have. That you are called but fallible, but the beauty of it is that God trusts you enough to place an apple of His eye into your hands. It is more about THE OFFICE of a leader and the oil upon the occupant of that office than it is about his personal qualification. Grace abounds for those who acknowledge their insufficiency even while obeying God. You are a man for the purpose of being a leader. Operate in that office. You don’t need a certificate to run this office. The Appointer has promised you help by His Spirit, and if that doesn’t assure you enough, He has gifted your wife with the same Helper to help you, if only you will lead in humility.

I explained in Helpers or Helots: a woman was created to reflect an attribute of God that He prides Himself in – a helper. The fact that in the midst of all the things that God created and called good, He realized you would need help, should disabuse your mind from thinking it is a position for know-it-all’s. A woman brings help you didn’t even know you needed! When you look at that woman you have chosen to do life with, look at her through the lens of Jesus’ eye when He looks at the Church He so loves that He died for, that He trusts so much that He compromises His dominion on earth so that they may have authority over it while they live in it.

It doesn’t make Him any less of its Head. If anything, it makes Him a more desirable Head.

And just as a side note for the sisters who are reading: What are you submitting to if there’s no vision or direction? His whims and caprices? If you don’t know where he’s taking you, have that conversation. If he has no idea and isn’t interested in figuring it out, 🗣🗣 SIS, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! 

Love,

⭐RAD ⭐