AHITHOPHEL

Ahithophel is one of those Bible characters the average person is likely to have heard of but can’t quite tell what the deal about him really is. He’s not a popular jock like Moses or Judas. But he should be. Because Ahithophel is each of us at some point in our lives, and we each may become an Ahithophel if we do not uproot the seed of pain and the ache of bitterness we experience when a trusted person betrays us. 

Ahithophel was David’s royal adviser. Dude was blessed with the gift of wisdom. Scripture itself said “For every word Ahithophel spoke seemed as wise as though it had come directly from the mouth of God” [2 Samuel 16:23 NLT]. The scriptures don’t say how long Ahithophel served David for, but it’s telling that when Absalom wanted to hit David where it would hurt, he sent for Ahithophel. Let me backtrack so you get the full picture. 

Absalom was David’s third son by his wife Maacah. Absalom is the same guy who killed his brother Amnon in cold blood for raping their sister Tamar. All the while, we hear nothing about their father David addressing the issue although he’s livid (an article for another day), but Absalom flees until his father’s general Joab, goes to fetch him after 3years and then reconciles him with his father after another 2years. With all that obvious unspoken tension, Absalom gives his father what seemed to be another “peaceful” 4years within which he gathers enough followers to get himself declared as king in place of his father. [2 Sam 12-15].

This is where Ahithophel comes in. Up until this time, we had not been told of any communication of any sort between Ahithophel and Absalom, but somehow, Absalom knew that during his coup, he could send for David’s most trusted adviser, Ahithophel. Very curious, if you ask me. What was even more disappointing was that Ahithophel honoured the invitation! [2 Sam 16]. Now what we’re hoping to figure out in this piece is:

Why did Ahithophel betray David? Was he just a power monger following whoever had the throne?

Me thinks not.

David already had seven wives – Michal (Saul’s daughter), Abigail (the fool’s wife), Ahinoam, Maacah, Haggith, Abital and Eglah. And then one fine evening, David sees another man’s wife taking a bath while taking a stroll on his roof. I’m sure you know the story. He asks and is categorically told that’s Elaim’s daughter and Uriah’s wife. Not just anyone – Elaim and Uriah, who are both fighting in the war you should be fighting in. The blood in Apostle David’s body was moving towards his lower body, because he didn’t seem to be thinking in the moment. He impregnates Bathsheba and kills her husband after all the attempts to make him have sex with his wife to cover up his sin fail.  [2 Sam 11]. The child eventually dies, but David proceeds to make Bathsheba his 8^th wife, and they have the great king Solomon who showed his father how to play the women’s game.😩 [2 Sam 12].

What the scriptures don’t immediately tell us is that this same Bathsheba is Ahithophel’s grandchild, and that this same Uriah – who was so coldly killed by David who sent the letter that held instructions for Uriah’s death by Uriah’s own hand – was Ahithophel’s in-law.

When David asked who Bathsheba was, he was told “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” [2 Sam 11:3] Daughter of Eliam. A few chapters on, the mighty warriors of David are listed. They are called David’s Thirty Mighty Men. Guess who’s part of the Mighty Thirty:

Eliam. Eliam, son of Ahithophel! And Uriah the Hittite! [2 Sam 23:34 & 39]

Ahithophel saw it all. He saw his friend’s covetousness. He saw his attempts to cover up by tricking his grandson-in-law. He saw the cold murder. He saw his granddaughter’s mourning – both for her husband and lost child. He saw his “friend” marry his granddaughter after it seemed that he had scarred her permanently and completely changed the course of her life.

Yet Ahithophel did not say a word to David.

At least the scriptures don’t tell us that there was any confrontation or attempt to communicate the hurt Ahithophel very likely felt, particularly because anyone in his shoes would have considered these an absolute betrayal by the man he had been keenly serving. 

But I suspect he didn’t say a word because he expected this “friend”, who knew his son’s daughter and son-in-law were the ones involved in this messy scandal, to say something! For Pete’s sake, he had been so good to your reign that it was as though God Himself was David’s adviser! But remember what I said earlier about David having a habit of not addressing issues? Perhaps he didn’t know that Bathsheba, Uriah and Ahithophel were related in some way, but that’d be a very contemporary understanding of Jewish community relations. People in Jewish communities knew people by their genealogies, and for one as close as a father-child relationship, it is highly unlikely that David did not know that his mighty warrior’s father was Ahithophel.

So! I suppose (and it’s safe to deduce, if you ask me) that Ahithophel’s decision to betray David was not an overnight choice. In actual fact, David’s affair with Bathsheba is reported to have happened in 993BC, and Ahithophel’s betrayal somewhere around 972BC. That’s about 21years after! Twenty-one years of pain, of hurt, haboured and nurtured carefully into bitterness. Bitterness so rife that the man whose counsel was considered so wise that they seemed as though it came from God’s own mouth, advised a man’s son:

“Go and sleep with your father’s concubines, for he has left them here to look after the palace. Then all Israel will know that you have insulted your father beyond hope of reconciliation, and they will throw their support to you. [2 Sam 16:21 NLT]

From one angry, hurt man to another angry hurt man. The text says, “So they set up a tent on the palace roof where everyone could see, and Absalom went in and had sex with his father’s concubines.”

It may have seemed “spirit-led”, but I suspect David’s prayer for God to “turn the counsel of Ahithophel into foolishness” was fueled by the messy context he must have been well aware of. 

As God would have it, Absalom is eventually defeated, Ahithophel commits suicide when Absalom refuses to take his second advice (either because he knew it would lead to Absalom’s defeat and would rather kill himself than be at the mercy of David or his ego simply could not take the fact that Absalom refused his advice) and David returns to Jerusalem. 

But of course, bitterness never wins. It may temporarily, but it never wins. I imagine that there’s not a person who hasn’t felt betrayed by someone they trusted, someone they actually expected to look out for them, someone they didn’t expect to make the choices they made, knowing how it would affect them. It’s even worse if you never get to talk it out with them and get the closure you need in order to reconcile with the fact that certain things happened and that you just need to put the load of that pain down and carry your shoulders light throughout life.

But that’s all carrying around deep-seated hurt and offence truly is – it’s literally carrying weight on your shoulders – yours, not theirs – through life. And in your lifetime, you probably would never see them show remorse for their choices or go through a similar experience so that they also experience the pain they caused you. In fact, they may go on to live their best lives, have the best of everything in this lifetime, while you carry the load and pain of their choices all through your life. Feel free to take a moment and literally picture yourself carrying off the baggage of weight you’ve been carrying on your shoulders as the first step to healing.

But while you ponder on that person who deeply bruised you, perhaps think also about that person who may consider you their David, whose trust you may have broken by your choices. As to whether your decisions were taken particularly to hurt them or not is really not what matters. If those who hurt you told you their actions weren’t directly intended to hurt you, it would matter little to you because their choices in fact caused you pain. Accord them the same grace, friend. If your choices meant a betrayal to someone who deemed you their person, you owe it to them to address their hurt at the very least, with hopes of some reconciliation.

It is only when a person passes on that the reality of how short our journey on earth really is, dawns on us. And I imagine that when we have all come to the end of our lives, whenever that may be, we would wish we lived a bit lighter, a bit freer, a bit less wounded. May the Lord give us grace to live light.

Happy Week, friend.

Love, Rad! ♥️